Today’s quote: “To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”
– Tony Robbins, author, speaker, coach
Let’s talk about communication. There are countless ways to communicate with someone. You can communicate in person or by phone, text, email, mail, and any other way that includes tools or technologies as an intermediary. Reading is reception of a communication, but we will leave that conversation for another day.
We won’t talk about methods of communication. Instead, we will talk about levels of communication. When you communicate with someone in person, there are four different levels of communication that occur in every spoken conversation.
Let’s talk about these layered levels in a context of in-person communication (excluding written forms).
The first level: Literal
The foundation of all communicated information is the literal meaning of what we say. For example, if someone asks “Did you think the movie was funny,” I can respond, “I laughed, that’s for sure.” The literal meaning of this statement is the truth that I laughed while watching the movie.
The second level: Figurative
Figurative communication is what we imply. In the same example above, I implied that I didn’t think the movie was well done. Maybe I laughed at how poorly the comedic events were portrayed.
“Did you think the movie was funny?”
“I laughed, that’s for sure.”
In this example, I thought the movie wasn’t funny; I thought it was terrible. Maybe it was so bad that it was laughable. The second level of communication is where sarcasm comes into play.
Sarcasm is an effect of the language to show what you mean by saying the opposite of what you mean. Sarcasm is not necessarily a lie. You can be honest and sarcastic at the same time.
The third level: Intonation
Intonation is the way we say our words with different emphasis, tone, volume, and stress. You can think of intonation as the “music of language.” Intonation conveys feelings that are not always evident by the words alone. If you’re affected by the noise of the words you hear, you are experiencing the third level of communication.
One of my favorite ways to analyze intonation is with the example of repeatedly reading the same sentence but shifting the emphasis to a new word each time. Take a look at the following sentence.
“I said he took my money.”
I will put emphasis on a different word each time by underlining a word. Then, I will put the intonation implication in brackets.
“I said he took my money.”
[Someone else didn’t say he took my money.]
“I said he took my money.”
[You didn’t hear me the first time.]
“I said he took my money.”
[This man right here is the victim. Not that man over there.]
“I said he took my money.”
[He didn’t do anything but steal my money.]
“I said he took my money.”
[He didn’t take anyone else’s money.]
“I said he took my money.”
[Not my car.]
So, changing the intonation to emphasize different words changes the meaning of the sentence each time. Let’s look at another example of intonation.
If someone has a really good day, they can say, “I’m great. I have had the best day ever!” Their tone is one of genuine happiness.
On the first level of communication, we know the literal meaning is that the person had a really good day. The third level of communication helps us understand whether the person is being sarcastic on the second level or whether they are telling the truth on the first level.
Now, let’s think about the same sentence in a different situation. Imagine someone has a really bad day. If someone asks how they are, they might respond, “I’m great. I have had the best day ever!”
We can tell by the frustrated “music” in their voice that they aren’t truly happy, so we can use the clues on the third level of communication to identify their use of sarcasm on the second level.
The fourth level: Body Language
Body language is any movement that your body does during a conversation while you are talking or listening. Body language includes gestures, facial expression, eye contact, movements of hands and feet, and other actions.
The fourth level of communication can be the hardest to interpret. Every movement of the body occurs for at least one reason. Our bodies react consciously and subconsciously to millions of stimuli at any given moment, making the deciphering body language cues nearly impossible.
If you smile while you are talking, it could mean that you are happy. Or it could mean that you are one comment away from a blow-up.
If you are tapping your foot on the ground, it could mean that you are stressed. Or it could mean that you’re bored.
If your face is red, you could be embarrassed or flustered or overheated or drunk or attracted to the speaker.
If your hands are shaking, it could mean that you are nervous. Or maybe your blood sugar is low. It could be a medical condition. Or maybe you’re angry.
These are just a few examples of body language. I couldn’t begin to reach the depths of all the category of this fourth level of communication contains. It’s arguably the largest part of communication if we look at this topic as an iceberg.
It’s also the hardest level to understand. Getting an accurate read on someone often involves mastering the technique of analyzing micro expressions and interpreting perceptions based on the speaker and what you know of them.
Brain teaser:
Fourteen of the kids in the class are girls. Eight of the kids wear blue shirts. Two of the kids are neither girls nor wear a blue shirt. If five of the kids are girls who wear blue shirts, how many kids are in the class?
A+
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